Don’t Take Advice from Yourself If You Are Struggling In That Area.

It is absolutely possible that anyone who is struggling with starting a new business or struggling for years would find their own “logic” to argue any of the above statements I have made here. And that is EXACTLY the beliefs you hold that are causing all the struggle in business.

The above paragraph is from my last post on the lies people believe about starting your own business. The article was written as a reflection of part of a lesson I conducted and is also an excerpt for my upcoming book : How Never To Lose Money In Business Again.

I can foresee that when I put across any of the 7 Lies people believe about business it might trigger unconscious responses such as, “That’s easier said than done” or “my situation is different” or “it might work for you but you don’t know what it’s like in my business.”

Success principles are universal in nature. God doesn’t design life in such a way that He plays favorites. That a person even has those arguments coming up for them and are skeptical that something works is a reflection on what EXACTLY is going on in their mind that has caused the struggles with business in the first place.

If a success principle doesn’t work for you with the same level of ease it has for the other person it’s either because you have a very strong Affective Barrier in place OR your comprehension of the full message is incomplete.

Here’s what’s going to happen if you are convinced that the 7 Lies People Say About Business is actually true but first you must be sincere that you are convinced and then test your conviction by going out and speaking your truth and you will encounter the following :

  • it’s easier said than done
  • it might work for you / your area / at your age – but it won’t for me (insert excuse here)
  • if it were that easy everyone would’ve done it by now
  • my situation is different
  • I’ve tried that but it didn’t work out for me

and other related sentiments in that neighborhood.

Now, if all else fails they will then turn to you, the messenger and attack you : “What makes you think you are qualified to say this?” or they might dismiss the entire message by saying, “The writer / speaker is only saying that because it makes money for them but it’s not really true in their life.”

Alright, let me first take that last argument because that happens a lot to the nicest people I know – they really believe writers and speakers and trainers are out there to cream their convictions and make them pay to become believers. They honestly believe that the sole purpose of trainers, speakers and writers who write about business and wealth is to make money off them.

First things first : if you have anything against the idea of making money from another person that’s your clue on why you’re struggling to make more money or getting more lucrative ideas.

I can already hear the comeback, “OK, there’s nothing wrong with making money but you must offer value to people and be genuine, not lie.” 

It’s funny how people assume it MUST BE A LIE or a scam if it doesn’t work for them. I’m not saying scams don’t exist and people don’t lie in business but to me it’s almost impossible to not be able to see a scam or a lie unless we wanted to convince ourselves at some level that it is NOT a scam or a lie. Usually, it’s GREED that helps us convince ourselves it’s not a scam or a lie.

Now, back to people who think writers, speakers, trainers are only saying what they are saying to make money. We’ve now established that any belief that it is NOT OK TO DO SOMETHING FOR MONEY is a limiting belief, rather it is perfectly OK to do ANYTHING for money. And, yes,  some people CHOOSE to do self-destructive things that force them to live a life of darkness. If a person is an illegal organ harvester or a prostitute how are they going to tell their friends and families and fill up a tax form about what they really do? The person would be forced to live the consequences of choosing self-sabotaging means of making money. When a person lies their ability to evolve higher spirituality is thwarted. And what is the point of being born a human if we cannot experience the greater emotions of our divine self, of peace, love, safety, awareness and happiness?

The only time you should question yourself on whether or not it’s OK for you or anyone to make money a certain way is when your own morality is in question. If your own morality is not in question then you would not project that doubt and question other people’s morality. Now if you don’t doubt either your own morality or other people’s morality when it comes to making money then you will no longer hold any beliefs that go against, “It is perfectly OK to do a thing for money.”

The Message vs. The Messenger

The message and the messenger are two different things. A messenger, a writer or speaker, gets paid for their ability to craft a message for delivery. A writer spends time and effort researching and reporting and deserves to be paid for that effort to disseminate knowledge. They are not “selling” you absolute truth – they are being paid for their efforts to report on someone else’s truth, or the effort to tell their truth and packaging the story up with literary devices and eloquence. Would it constitute lying if the news they deliver, when checked against the archives of Time and Space, proved to be not 100% true? It wouldn’t if the writer or speaker feels no moral hesitation nor doubt what they are presenting and continue to believe in their rightful duty to report or deliver the message.

Does this mean we are not allowed to be skeptical of “the truth” spoken from a podium or by an authority?

First of all we need to understand that there is no such thing as “absolute truth” when it comes to the beliefs and opinion of one flawed human being versus another. There is just my version versus your version.

For a person who has a working model that comes effortlessly to them someone else’s lie, whether intentional or not, would be very obvious. Take language competence in English, for example. So many times I’ve come across people who have what I would describe “substandard” English, non-native but Caucasian looking people, or Asian people who have spent years abroad, teaching ESL. I’ve also come across foreigners who lie about their nationality without realizing that their accents, whether a feigned one or their original one, comes through in the way they put things in context or their choice of diction.

If one is competent in an area one would INSTANTLY be able to detect a non-working model. If I were very good at managing my finances I would be able to tell when a company or business is mismanaging their money. If I were good at making lucrative real-estate deals I would be able to tell when a deal would not turn out lucrative.

As such I would feel that skepticism isn’t necessary if you have mastery in that area. If you don’t have mastery and you got scammed or cheated just tuck it as an experience under your belt and work on that area of competence. This is true of love, of money and of relationships with people. So often I hear people claim they have been “hurt”, “jilted”, “rejected” or “betrayed” in things related to love/sex, money and relationships with other people.

I do know what it feels like to be hurt, to be rejected. And that is because I did not have mastery in the area of self-worth and self-love. Once I developed more competence in those areas it feels as if I now have a self-healing mechanism within where I get over a disappointment in a matter of minutes, or even seconds. I don’t take a lot of things personally and when I do I just check in with myself and learn the lesson.

Can We Trust People In Authority or Anyone In General? 

My short answer is : Yes.

The only person you need to ask that question to is yourself. Can you trust your own judgments on what you see, hear and believe? If you cannot it simply means you have not acquired enough information or mastery to be able to tell whether you can or cannot trust your own judgment.

A very common thing I hear in business is “the fear of trusting others”. One level down there is only the fear of not being able to trust yourself and there is usually a story behind that that goes FAR BEYOND a specific incident that triggered that “I told you so” response. If you can’t trust yourself and other people that’s a recipe to never be happy or feel safe and peaceful.

The End of Struggle and the Beginning of Mutual Respect.

A good reason to trust someone else is to look at where you’re STRUGGLING IN THAT AREA you’re asking for advice or solutions on. You’re struggling with something the other person is not struggling with and I will talk more about this in my next article on Hiring Good Employees.

I understand that a lot of scams are birthed from a premise of people needing solutions to areas they are struggling with. Rather than be wary or being ‘careful’ I suggest an attitude of going forth in life and then taking the lessons that come up. People struggle in finding love, reciprocity, meaning, direction and more wealth.  We have a choice to adopt a “be careful” attitude or adopt a “let’s see what’s the lesson here.” attitude. Any area we get “scammed” or  we feel we’ve lost out on in life is an opportunity for our shadows to come up to the light. And that is the whole purpose of life – not an accumulation of money and things but to experience a rebirthing from our shadows into our higher selfs.

 

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Business Is Hard……….and how to make it easy.

The Biggest Lies People Believe About Starting Any Kind of Business :

1. You need quite a bit of experience.
2. You need to be an expert at it.
3. It takes time to get it off the ground.
4. It requires capital / money.
5. It takes a lot of effort and hard work and there are no guarantees the business will do well.
6. You need to have the right networks / know the right people.
7. You need to spend quite a substantial amount of money before seeing any returns.

Here’s what I think :

 You need quite a bit of experience.

1. It’s not experience you need but the ability to identify a lucrative opportunity and to go for it. (How to develop a mindset to spot lucrative opportunities? More in my upcoming book Never Lose Money In Business Again.)

 You need to be an expert at it.

2. Most people take for granted that a PhD or mere time spent in a certain position qualifies one as an “expert”. As long as you have the minimal skill, knowledge or ability to do something at least ONCE you can duplicate that which works and the scale the effect.  In fact, I think PhDs are often less of an expert in anything because they have spent so much time on a niche that time has moved on without them acquiring knowledge in other areas that would’ve synthesized with their niche.

There are exceptions of course but for me, “expertise” is not mere time spent repeating something. “Expertise” to me is reflected in one’s ability to execute anything at a minimum level of competence at least ONCE and to keep working on incremental improvements over time.

The problem is that so many people stop themselves from ever doing ANYTHING because of the belief that they’re not “an expert” in that area.

If you baked a lemon chiffon cake ONCE or made egg tarts ONCE and they tasted good you’re good to go to start taking orders for egg tarts and lemon chiffon cakes and get a business going with it.

The problem is people diminish what they are good at and only give themselves permission to serve others when their Ego tells them no one can be better than them in the entire industry.

It takes time to get it off the ground.

3. It takes MOMENTUM, FOCUS and CLARITY, not time. I’ve started and discarded many successful business ideas. Any one of those ideas are just as good as the rest but there are usually only 2 reasons why I don’t keep up the momentum :

(a) It wasn’t something I can figure out how to scale or duplicate at that point in time with the resources available to me.

(b) The focus on it would take away from a bigger goal or focus. (Always chasing the bright shiny things…..)

To not succeed financially is actually a CHOICE because it is a lot easier to succeed than to not succeed. And the reason that so many of us do not succeed boils down to only 2 things : lack of clarity* or lack of focus. The ideas themselves, the business itself, can and will work.

I’ll just touch a bit on lack of clarity : this means not being aware that the beliefs we hold about how we should go about doing things are counter productive or self-sabotaging.

It requires capital / money.

4. If you can make a sale or collect payment before starting work or buying the stock you need then it does not require capital / money. If you can negotiate a deal and calculate/demonstrate the certainty of a good deal any investor would gladly advance you their available liquidity. That is the idea behind IPOs.

Recently I started dabbling in making websites. I have always enjoyed the idea of one day being able to develop websites. I built my own website using a tutorial and I was good to go. My first client came from a cold market. I got a call, met up for a discussion that lasted about an hour and collected full payment the following day before starting work.

I get it that a lot of people use this “20% or 50%” deposit system but in the seminars I’ve attended it seems that one has to pay full price upfront before being given a seat. There is no reason why my own businesses shouldn’t operate on the same model as businesses that sell you a ticket upfront. I pay for my web hosting and domain name one year upfront, at the least. We pay for our homes and our cars upfront by taking loans. We pay a deposit and upfront payment when we apply for internet or electricity.

So why would anyone settle for a “pay later” mode of business? Your inability to collect payment upfront before starting work says more about your business and money sense than it does about the market at large.

If you feel guilty or uncomfortable about receiving money or asking for advanced payments then you are still stuck in an employee mindset where you complete a month’s work before you are given your dues for that month. That is not how business works though.

It takes a lot of effort and hard work and there are no guarantees the business will do well.

5. What people call “effort” and “hard work” boils down to just 3 main things :
(a) not sure if they can get the business
(b) not sure if the business revenue can be sustainable
(c) relationship with employees.

Being eager and willing to do the buying, negotiating and selling process (promotion and marketing) solves (a). Repeating (a) solves (b). Being a model and treating others the way one wants to be treated solves (c).

 You need to have the right networks / know the right people.

6. You don’t need to wait around until you have the “right” connections. You show up in life as someone people want to associate with, JV with, work with and network with.

You need to spend quite a substantial amount of money before seeing any returns.

7. You need to focus ALL your energy and attention on where the money is and not sugarcoat efforts with second, third or fourth degree attempts that “may possibly” make money. Find the shortest, most direct path to the money. Big or small – learn to FOCUS on where the money is to the exclusion of every other factor. If you can’t find the shortest path of least resistance then forget about the money and focus on developing yourself to BE THE MONEY.

It is absolutely possible that anyone who is struggling with starting a new business or struggling for years would find their own “logic” to argue any of the above statements I have made here. And that is EXACTLY the beliefs you hold that are causing all the struggle in business.

What I presented here is how people who find business “effortless” actually FEEL on a vibrational level and why they continue to work way past their retirement because they enjoy the game and also why even if they lost everything they are eager and driven to start another business.

The more you do not resonate with what is laid out here the more likely you are to remain in your job or remain stuck with the problems you are having in business. That is simply because you are out of resonance, out of alignment with what is a vibrational match making business a fun and easy thing to do.

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I’m Open To Learning All Kinds Of Things That Will Help Me Design The Life I Want.

I’ve got an incredible treat for you, and it comes at just the right price… f*ree! My friend Margaret Lynch has a webinar coming up that is going to show you how you can remove your inner glass ceiling to the wealth, cash, money, and financial freedom that you deserve.

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The Wall Street Journal recently posted that Margaret is THE Wealth Manifestation Authority. Margaret is widely considered a top Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT®) Expert.

Through Margaret’s work I’ve discovered what was the missing link for me to take the trainings I’ve attended to the next level of clarity, awareness and action.

No matter how many books I’ve read or trainings I’ve attended I’ve noticed that very often I face the challenge that even though I “know” something I don’t know how to change the unconscious way in which I  feel about it to create the financial results that I want.

I went back to what Harv Eker said about “Our thoughts lead to our feelings which leads to our actions” or T -> F -> A = Results. If I know how to reframe my thoughts and non-supportive conditioning and yet taking clarity-filled, sustained effort Action is a problem for me perhaps the key to the solution lies in the unconscious feelings or trapped energy that’s causing procrastination and a lack of clarity on the next step to take.

Maybe what happened to me before sounds like someone you know – someone who “knows” the answers, knows what causes what, knows the reasons behind a thing but is somehow stopped from taking the action they need to. And it’s not as simple as “being lazy”. There’s no such thing as “lazy” only a lack of clear purpose.

Margaret is passionate about helping very talented, heart centered people who are not getting the cash, money, time, personal freedom and wealth they truly desire (and deserve) – even when they are working extremely hard.

In this exclusive training available only for the next few days Margaret shows you “How to Remove the Glass Ceiling Keeping You From the Wealth You Deserve (or want) NOW.”

Reserve your place right now…

 In this fabulous (F*REE) Live Training, you will discover:

 – The #1 thing that stops very talented, heart centered people from getting the income and wealth they truly desire…and from

 making the impact in the world they want to make. It’s the  “inner glass ceiling” to your wealth.

 – Margaret will take you through a revolutionary exercise that will let you uncover the inner energy blocks you need to clear

 to become a human magnet to the opportunities that will hand deliver the wealth and life you desire.

  – And finally, Margaret will show you her Level Two Tapping Exercise…a cutting edge Tapping technique designed to shine

 a light on the three dark energies of your lower-self vows:

 shame, fear/anxiety and battle – both inner and outer.

Remember, it’s totally f*ree, put places are limited, so go and reserve your spot now. 

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The Dream Never Really Goes Away

Here’s how the cycle goes :

– You get excited over a new opportunity.

– You put in a lot of effort and become very enthusiastic over it

– Then things don’t turn out exactly as you expected it to

– And so your excitement dwindles

– And you feel all that resistance coming in and it takes more and more out of you to sustain the same level of effort and enthusiasm you had in the beginning

– So what happens is : you give up, you QUIT.

– And you pretend that it didn’t really matter anyway, that it was just a Dream, you got caught up in it and now you have to come back to “reality”.

– And so you become a bit cynical, and you hold yourself back from new opportunities. Maybe that’s your way of punishing yourself for your youthful exuberance.

– But the dream never really goes away. It takes time for wounds to heal and then the desire creeps back up.

– And then you start noticing new opportunities.

– And you get excited all over again.

The Good News 

The good news is no matter how many times you have failed and no matter how old you are now that dream you had, that infatuation you fell into, that desire that gave you the push to take risks – that ability to Dream, it never goes away.

It will never go away.

The Bad News

The longer you push your dreams away the more you are betting against yourself and the higher the chances of you dying with your dream still inside of you.

So What’cha Gonna Do About It?

For pretty much most of my adult life I’ve lived around the 80th percentile of “my dream life” and for two reasons : (1) My dreams weren’t big enough that I always manage to achieve them (2) My contentment with life never reaches 100% fulfilment so there’s always enough space to create new desire.

Is It Really So Hard To Live Your Dream and Purpose?

I don’t think so. You just decide. You decide on freedom, you decide on money, you decide on children, you DECIDE and then you just go at it with a single-minded focus.

Oh, yes. Single-minded Focus. 

That means to the exclusion of everything else that does not add to your effort  including things that take away from your effort.

I Don’t Think You Go Out There To Find Your Dreams

I think you let your dreams find you. I think you grow yourself to be the kind of person that magnetizes your dreams to yourself. Some of the dreams I have include raising and loving a child, getting my freedom in my 30s onwards and to do something related to words and promoting. I also have this dream to build an alternative media marketing agency that makes the current ones obsolete. And throw in an education alternative as well that will make the current Industrial model obsolete.

And so I just created opportunities to do what I love.

But How Exactly To Do That?

I’ll give the same advice I gave my late father : let go of all your needs for a false sense of security. As long as you don’t have faith in yourself you will never be able to form a stable field of energy around you to attract to you that which you desire to manifest.

He asked me what about our college education : I told him, if we really wanted a college education we’d find a way to get a college education.

He asked me what would my mom think of him : I asked him what does he think she has thought of him over the years?

He asked me what if he fails? I told him that when failure is not an option – we cannot fail.

And He Died With His Dreams

And thanks to him he gave me every reason to never negotiate and second-guess myself when it comes to wanting the life that I want.

When I was a lot younger it was really tough to believe in myself because I did not have any claim to fame, I did not have any track record of success. But now at 38 and seeing myself triumph again and again against all those naysayers, going for what I want becomes natural, becomes automatic.

My Tips For Living Your Dream

First of all you have to get over this idea that your passion or your dream comes in a neat package delivered to your doorstep by DHL. That’s not how you “find” your dream or your purpose or your passion. Your dream or passion doesn’t fall on you like a hammer to an anvil. You don’t wake up one day with common certainty that “Eureka! I know what my dream is!” That kind of exuberance would last you a good sixty seconds to six days. By the seventh day you’re just defending it because you’re so afraid you would never have that moment of epiphany again. 

Your passion and “dream” does not come with a user’s manual nor does it look like an IKEA assemble it yourself that arrives at your doorstep. 

You don’t “find” your dream. It finds you. And when it does it becomes your compelling reasons. It becomes attracted to you. You magnetize all its bits to you. You become the perfect vehicle, the perfect peg, conduit for that Dream that it has no way but to find you and make you the architect of its ethereal element materializing and manifesting through you.

Finding your passion and your dream and purpose only comes from a natural extension of following your heart. The magic only happens after you take your first course of action. I didn’t know, 15 years ago, how I was going to have my ideal life come about. I didn’t know the HOW. But I had this vision in my mind of being able to write for money, of being able to promote things I love, of being able to use the computer to make money, of being able to work less than 4 hours a week without premises, without workers, without colleagues but within a community. I did have this vision, 15 years ago, of being able to find a way to make $50,000 a day and go on a shopping spree with my Play Jar.

People Are Always Worried They Can’t Live On Their Passion

1. Make MAKING MONEY a passion. When I started out as a field interviewer for a couple of Market Research companies it wasn’t because I was passionate about marketing or about research – it was because they paid well for my situation at that time and gave me the freedom and flexibility I needed. But why that versus, say, prostitution? Well, because I had the foresight to calculate the risks and opportunity costs. I had a better chance of succeeding in making more money in the field of marketing or consumer behaviour research once I’m in my 30s onwards than I would – prostituting. Law of Diminishing Returns apply.

Make MAKING MONEY your passion as long as it doesn’t go against your natural elements and personal code. 

I had a need, at that point of my life, to experience non-routine situations and a job that would bring me outdoors. Even though jobs such as supermarket retail assistant existed side by side with a job like doing field research standing for 10 hours a day listening to Parkson jingles run repeatedly would cause me to become criminally insane. I’d rather travel 10 hours a day to some kampung in Sekinchan. One experience will eventually become the scaffolding for the next experience until you reach a place where you leapfrog into your business or industry of choice.  Just don’t fall in love with the job.

Money making opportunities are there for us to make money not build our lives around them. You don’t work on the job – you work on developing YOU. You don’t develop yourself just to get a promotion. You develop yourself so that you become an asset for lucrative opportunities out there.

2. Learn how to Market Yourself. Whether you’re an artists, a dancer, a writer, a cook, a baker, a hairstylist, a teacher, a therapist, – the #1 Skill You Need To Have is the ability TO MARKET YOURSELF AND YOUR SERVICES. And that includes the natural ability to promote yourself and your services and to close a sale.

If you know how to Market Yourself doing what you love should not be a problem.

The problem for a lot of people who “follow their passion and dreams” is that they focus on the production and fulfilment part. They focus on being good at their particular skill set, to be the “best” in their  category. For instance, for those whose passion is to better the education system, they go and get more advanced degrees and do more research and waste their time trying to get more funding. Or they open a learning center or school (been there, done that) and have this belief that as long as they have the most caring teachers, the best programs, they’re going to make it big in business.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

CONCLUSION :

1. Your dreams are never going to go away. You have only two choices : die with your dreams inside of you or die trying.

2. Your passion /dream doesn’t come in a neat package one sweet day so stop waiting for that big voice from Heaven that gives you the commandment. You choose what you want your dream to look like and start moving towards it. You develop yourself to become the perfect conduit to channel that vision through you.

3. Make MAKING MONEY your passion. You can make money from anything that has a value to others. There are some skills you need to pick up and some beliefs you need to dissolve but you can make money from anything. I would suggest to pick the low hanging fruits.

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Scammed : What’s the Lesson Here.

I was walking out of KBJ this afternoon when an Indonesian man flashed me a Galaxy S3 which I later realized was a fake “dummy” China  phone.

The cost : RM120 AND…I know, laugh, my Rayban shades! A thief begets a thief.

The lesson :

The first thing that came up from my subconscious mind was this : “My phones have gotten stolen more times than I can remember and it’s just the circle of life that when mine get stolen they ended up with someone else and here we have someone else’s stolen stuff and I’m just getting on the carousel.”

As I settled down to ask for the lesson I acknowledged the fact that I have buried resentment towards the fact that a majority of people are not decent and honest and kind. I have an unconscious resentment towards all the times I have acted decently, honestly and kindly towards others but have been set up, framed, stolen from, manipulated and betrayed. I wanted to start believing in “if you can’t beat them, join them.”

I need to heal from the resentment that I have not been rewarded in life for always sticking to doing what is right, what is fair, what is just and what is decent. I need to heal from the resentment that others keep taking from me and I don’t seem to be particularly materially as successful as I had hoped to be.

It’s not fair that what is mine is not forthcoming. But at the same time I realize what I would be doing : supporting the criminal act by being that part of the market that would create demand for contraband / stolen items. A part of me judged myself but another part of me justified the fact that I cannot make a difference to a world that has been turning even before I was born. Being “moral” has not gotten me very far in life, I told myself. These days I preferred to be morally ambiguous because it makes me less judgmental both towards myself and others.

Of course I was over-thinking the whole thing but that was what showed up for me – that was the Shadow that surfaced for healing. I need to heal from the resentment that I have not been rewarded in life for always sticking to doing what is right, what is fair, what is just and what is decent. I need to heal from the resentment that others keep taking from me and I don’t seem to be particularly materially as successful as I had hoped to be.

Now that this resentment, this wound, has been brought up to my consciousness, I can see that there is actually no correlation between being decent, honest and just and being materially rewarded in life. It was an unconscious belief that I had held that “you can’t get ahead being soft, being giving, being willing to serve others,  being willing to submit.” That belief has caused me to justify criminal intentions and be willing to sacrifice my ethics and principles under the influence of Greed.

I know it’s just a cheap China phone and I shouldn’t be over-thinking this but I can’t help being interested in the natural unfolding of my own cognitive processes. Imagine if I can begin my journey with a single step, being a willing participant in the idea of creating demand for stolen items, supporting thievery, (the phone wasn’t stolen but the scam is set up in such a way to trick people to think it’s stolen) I fear that my first step in that direction may not be my last.

I had just discussed about ethics and integrity and here I am willing to sell piece meals of my  integrity, erode its quality,  for less than a song. I am no better and no worse than the people I accuse of being unethical, actually.

The reason I do not have more material rewards in life can be more directly attributed to reasons such as me not being grateful for what I have, me having clutter in my life, me not valuing myself enough to give myself the best, me not having enough focus, clarity and drive to go for material pursuits and especially me having limiting beliefs that pursuing a material life makes life less ‘spiritual and meaningful’.

I see that now.

Another major lesson that came up for me was about “Shame”. I realized how ashamed I was to admit to anyone else how I got scammed. I was ashamed and I realize that “shame” comes from an inability to let go, to forgive ourselves, to accept ourselves in spite of our ignorance and mistakes.

I’ve written an article on scamming before and in this one I’d like to add two trinities that make up the spectrum of a scam. Scams can only happen because of

  • Greed
  • Fear of loss
  • Guilt

and the longevity and staying power of scam hinges on the fact that 99.9% of us carry with us elements of shame, unforgiveness and resentment in our energetic field.

Fear of Loss

The Fear of Loss encapsulates how our over-attachment to our illusions of the world we exist shows up in scams that are designed around them. Fear of loss of a loved one, fear of loss of saved money or investments, fear of loss of better opportunities for tomorrow, fear of loss of life, possessions, status, beauty, etc. Almost all fears can be extended from this “fear of loss” of something we give too much meaning, attachment, permanence and significance to.

Greed is self-explanatory. We want something for nothing or something for next to nothing.

Guilt is the final one that works us in; guilt of not helping someone, guilt of letting others suffer unnecessarily, guilty of having it better than others.

Guilt is so closely tied to the first of the next triad : Shame.

We live so much in shame, don’t we? We feel shameful about extolling our own virtues and we justify that as “humility”. We bastardize the meaning of “being humble” when instead what we are doing is to diminish ourselves and hide deeper within our shadows. “Being humble”, truly, is not about diminishing ourselves, shrinking, making ourselves smaller so others don’t feel so small about themselves. “Being humble” is not about cutting ourselves down in size so that we don’t cast a bigger shadow over others who still live in their own shadows.

The true meaning of humility is to grow ourselves bigger, stronger, more capable, and then to be willing to step into our full light and help others grow bigger and come into our Light once we are in a position of strength and power. In order to grow ourselves we need to value ourselves more, acknowledge and appreciate our own virtues more and be willing to grow and peel past our shadows. We need to be shameless. But being both humble (in my sense of the word) and being shameless is too hard in our world that is built on the  OS of shame, guilt, fear.  We’d rather diminish ourselves and continue to live in shame, being shameful, and justify playing small as keeping us virtuous and “closer to God and morality.”

I felt so ashamed to be admitting the fact that I entertained the criminal intention of purchasing a stolen item, partaking in the crime by being the channel for which thieves dispose of the item. I feel ashamed yet again that it is that exact thought of intending to willingly participate in thievery that set me up to walk into a scam. (The phone was not a stolen phone but the premise was set up that way to make the willing participants like myself walk myself into their format.)

I feel so ashamed that as a Business Coach teaching people how to do real-life business and how to be savvy when investing in businesses I got conned in broad daylight from someone who obviously, by choice of profession, had less formal education than I did. I felt stupid, ignorant, humiliated. I can teach people how to notice a bogus business or presentation but outside the box of a corporate or white collar environment I really don’t know much about “the real world”. I am naive and yet I think I am smart.

I suppose I am smart in a different playing field. But in the playing field with really hungry people willing to do anything I am out-smarted, out maneuvered, out done.

And I feel so ashamed of that. How can I teach people not to lose money in business and investments when I lost money in the streets to a smart, hungry, con man? I don’t have the same level of hunger, drive, determination and format that the street hustler has. I know nothing, really, and that makes me feel like a fake.

Yes, I’m being too hard on myself. There is a market for me after all – clients who are “dumber”, more giving, more naive, less savvy and more “liberal with money” than I am. I don’t pretend that I am the ideal coach for everyone – I am just truly fortunate that I am laser-focused on who my ideal clients are like and I attract them to me. I know who my clients are, what they’ve been through or are passing through and how to get to the next level of play because I am but a slight notch better than them in those areas I am coaching them in, a few knocks more into the game of life than they are. I am definitely not “The Main Deal” when it comes to Life and Business Coaching.

I feel equally ashamed about my criminal intent as I am about getting outdone in street hustling. I feel ashamed that I have greed, resentment and all those others things lurking in my shadow.

But this incident gave me an opportunity to face my Shadows and learn from it. It gave me an opportunity to forgive myself for resenting those who took from me and made me a “victim”. It gave me an opportunity to decouple an unconscious belief I held that one cannot be both decent and honest AND be deserving of being lucratively rewarded in the material plane.

Most of all it gave me an opportunity to deeply and completely love and approve of myself in spite of the fact that my Shadows and my spiritual frailness as a human being keep showing up in my life.

My shame has weakened me so much that I feel afraid to be judged by people reading this – judged for my foolishness, my ignorance, my criminal intention and a slew of other things. I feel as if no one else is more shameful and more criminal and more unethical than I am. I judge myself so harshly right now and am ashamed that people will see how harshly I judge myself in spite of my advocacy of “When we view the world with judgement we see only mistakes, when we view the world with compassion we see only lessons.”

Do I necessarily walk my talk? It’s very obvious here, not all the time. Am I then good enough to charge for what I do as a Life and Business Coach?

My only redeeming virtue here is my willingness to admit I am wrong, I am flawed, I am weak, I am imperfect and I am courageous enough to bare myself to be crucified. I think that will always remain as my one redeeming factor : that I am willing to be crucified either for the truth of my beliefs or for the confessions of my mistaken beliefs that I once defended as true.

And I am hoping that this confession redeems me somewhat. But the real work begins when i can truly forgive myself and just let it go.

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Apa Cina Mahu – part 2.

The vote counting is over. Time to count our blessings. There’s no genocides, no street violence. Apa lagi Anwar Ibrahim mau?

I have lost all faith in Pakatan Rakyat after knowing about the 100,000 strong crowd at Kelana Jaya. Is that a sign of “respecting the democratic process”? They cannot even see themselves for who they are even if a mirror was held up to them.

Do I sympathize with the sense of defeat and loss Pakatan Rakyat is reeling from? Yes, but why do they have to take it so personally.

Everyone is so focused on BN cheating but no one is focused on the fact that Pakatan Rakyat is not well organized and plays “not to lose” whereas BN has experience and strategy and a PLAY TO WIN attitude.

In the midst of all this blaming and accusations running wild I see a few sparks from mainstream media :

The Barisan Nasional has proven that it is a faithful friend to members of its coalition. In my earlier post “Apa Cina Mau” I played the Devil’s Advocate to ask BN to axe MCA out. The premise of that came from a conversation I had with a taxi driver UMNO supporter who picked me up from the Sungai Nibong bus station when I got back to Penang.

He had asked me (and this was the night before the Utusan Malaysia article), “Kenapa Cina tak suka MCA?” The tone of his voice made me realize that UMNO is a much more faithful friend to MCA than PRK will ever be, based on current sentiments, to DAP or even PKR to PAS. Rather than BLAME MCA for losing so much support and costing BN seats UMNO wondered how to salvage the credibility of its friend and save it from becoming obsolete.

I am actually rather surprised that UMNO-supporters view MCA favorably. If they view MCA favorably and they know that MCA is there as the voice of the Chinese then is it possible that they can also simultaneously be racists against the Chinese at the same time?

This question sat and percolated in my mind for one night until I saw the APA CINA MAU headlines the following day (and the uproar that ensued). I wrote my “Apa Cina Mau” post on Tuesday to see what would resonate with UMNO supporters who would look it up.

By Wednesday I saw this statement by Barisan Nasional secretary-general Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor  :

“Tengku Adnan said that MCA is dismayed over the poor results in the recent general election and it could still be reeling from it.

He said this was what made the MCA leadership to reaffirm its earlier decision that it would not take up any offers to hold government posts.

“Perhaps they feel rejected because from the results it looked like the Chinese voter base has shifted their support to DAP.

“Honestly, MCA is a party with a structure and it has fought long and hard for the ethnic community.

What a faithful friend, I thought to myself. There I was on Monday night trying to instigate the UMNO taxi driver and saw that what I said did not trigger any sense of blame from him towards MCA. On Tuesday I wrote my “Apa Cina Mau” and though it ended up on the bottom of the first page on Google search for those words it elicited no negative reactions. On Wednesday I see UMNO coming out in the news to proclaim the loyalty to have MCA’s back.

I believe the affection is mutual. All this while MCA must have had UMNO’s back to deserve this mutual affection. In fact I think UMNO realizes that MCA has stood by UMNO at the expense of its party losing credibility and relevance to the Chinese community. MCA might suffer a sudden demise and see the end of its political legacy because of how it stuck its own neck out to defend UMNO and the BN coalition.

I was discussing with friends on Monday night about why I said what I said on my facebook that BN deserved to win. I related it back to the principles we are learning about business and life so that they are able to detach themselves from mass emotions and focus on lessons we can learn. In the end when I broke down the theories and details they saw what I saw that BN simply had a better strategy and a better strategy is only possible because of trust and mutual co-operation, something Pakatan Rakyat, their supporters themselves admit from time to time, sorely lacks.

Taking it to the streets and stadiums simply because one did not have a better strategy is simply not democratic. Taking it to the streets, to me, is an adopted culture. We are not Filipinos and we are not Westerners. We are Malaysians.

As I am writing this my comments I’m getting on my facebook posts are saying that black t-shirts have a right to vent their frustrations. I suppose to a certain extent I agree with it but I am concerned that grassroots UMNO and BN supporters who have yet to cool down themselves will see the Pakatan supporters as “kurang ajar”. Humans, being humans, a lot of things will be said and done in moments of anger and frustration that in time we all will regret how we let emotions over-rule us and upset our sense of balance.  Ever been in a fight with your spouse / boyfriend / girlfriend? You know what I mean.

Rather than vent and throw tantrums and be frustrated can we take this all sitting down like mature people? Just accept that we played the game the best we could and we have lessons to learn from it. Losing is not personal. It’s a process. It’s a time for reflection.

When emotions over-rule logic Ego takes over. The need to be right will over-ride the need to be compassionate. The UMNO-led BN has admitted in mainstream media that all awhile they have been focused on the rural areas and now it’s time to understand the sentiments of the urban and the young up and coming who grew up in a world of niches and demassification of society ; meaning they  as a generation reject anything mass per se.

So let’s work towards that. Personally, I don’t really care if an UMNO-led coalition stays in power for the next 500 years. But psychologically I care about the fact that “a body at rest will tend to stay at rest” and stagnation stumps all forms of growth and expansion.

I want change not because I take all BN’s silliness personally but I want change simply because things need to change. I don’t even believe that heterosexual monogamy works for more than 20% of people out there and 80% of people need “change” in their relationships as they develop and grow as individuals. I don’t even believe that one religion works for everyone and that a person can change from one perspective of religion to another without making the religion they grew up in wrong for everyone else. I don’t even believe that one should only stick to one’s mother tongue and not “change” as social and economic patterns change.

I worry about people who want change because they hate what they have. I want change because I love what I have always had and I am ready to expand and experience more.

If I have to make my final stand clear to everyone it is that I have a lot of respect for what DAP and Lim Guan Eng has achieved and done for Penang. I also have a lot of respect for UMNO for having the backs of their coalition members and understanding what rural people want. I believe, MCA, like Gerakan, has ceased to be relevant to the Chinese community.

I do not think the Chinese are essentially racist – they are simply more HUNGRY, more educated, more progressive, more competitive and their common denominator is that they want to ensure a future of vibrant social and economic reciprocity for their children in this country.

But the Chinese have alienated themselves, no thanks to Dong Zong, by not being able to speak Malay well and that gives them an imagined sense of alienation and a real sense of discrimination.

Everything in extremes is bad. The Chinese being efficient ensure that they almost always don’t waste whatever little resources that they have and will manage to make something out of nothing. But they are so efficient that they find that learning Bahasa Melayu is a waste of time and resources.

If the Malays were economically more progressive or advanced in areas of new pockets of wealth and growth the Chinese, with their utilitarian values, will not have the same arguments they have now justifying their resistance towards learning Malay. The Malay language is not a difficult language to learn and because Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa truly reflects reality the resistance towards “the rural jiwa” is the premise behind the resistance towards learning Malay.

This resistance towards the language took a life of its own when the generalization of the resistance transcended culture, identity, values, religion…..I believe the actual cause of Chinese resistance, and they may not realize this themselves, is not towards anything Malays or Islam stands for. The actual resistance is towards backwardness and a lack of vision towards continued prosperity and abundance – values that drive the ethnic Chinese, conditioning and modelling that gets passed down generation after generation.

 

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Apa Cina Mau? (What Do the Chinese community in Malaysia want now?)

We want UMNO to remain relevant to the Malays and to be the voice of the rural and working class Malays. We want, well, speak for myself :

I want UMNO to represent the voice and the rights of the Malay people who have yet to realize they are in the 21st century and that they are not a separate species from the rest of humankind.

I want UMNO to stop allowing MCA and MIC to bleed them off of seats and to axe off the MCA and MIC who have been poaching power and seats riding on the back of the strength of UMNO. Where would MCA and MIC really be if they did not piggy back on the strength of UMNO all these years?

I want UMNO to stop being so accommodating to MCA because MCA does not represent the voice of the Chinese people and are only taking UMNO for a ride by making the BN believe they have the support of the Chinese and urban community.

I cannot see MCA and Gerakan’s relevance in today’s age and time. But I do see MIC’s relevance in their particular niches. BN can support MIC in those areas through financial support and other campaigning aid when election comes around.

But there is no need for UMNO to give MIC a claim to fame on their BN platform or give MIC disproportionate claim to power in the matters of the nation’s policies. The Indian community would be better off if they identified themselves as Malaysian than they would as Indians needing “protection” from big-brother.

The idea of needing a political party to represent your ethnic voice is obsolete and damaging to our self-esteem as a nation.

Having said that MCA , like Gerakan, is totally irrelevant and that MIC is relevant only to a very limited extent I must say definitely see UMNO’s relevance and legitimate representation of certain demographics of the Malay community.

You have to be able to see the trees from the forest. BN’s strength comes from UMNO, yes, and that’s one part of the equation. But UMNO, by itself, as a political party, has a right to champion and defend its own ideologies and rhetoric, even if we don’t necessarily agree with them.

Sure, BN cheated but NOT BECAUSE it is UMNO-led or because it is a BN-coalition : BN “cheated” , or rather, with malicious intent, legally took advantage of technical loopholes, simply because, as an organism, it is willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR ITS SURVIVAL.

That willingness to play to win is a form of virtue in my terms and if any organization wants to succeed it’d better be willing to have a do-or-die attitude.

I don’t think BN is as bad as people think they are. Childish tactics to win parliament is a lot better than genocide. As long as there is no economic sabotage or social disruption I think all is fair in love and war.

I know plenty of you who have colored yourself with prejudice and hatred to such an extent you cannot even fathom the rationale of what I am saying here. You will jump in your pants thinking I am so “stupid” to not blame BN and UMNO.

But that is what my training has taught me : stop projecting, do not blame, take 100% responsibility, be the change I want to see, do whatever it takes and bless that which I want.

I will end by saying I appreciate and respect UMNO’s legitimate right to represent the voice of its community even when the rest of you who are more “educated” think your intellect is superior to theirs.

I will also add that I view with full compassion the fears of a certain demographic of Malays and I urge you all to view their fears with compassion rather than judge them by your own standards of competency.

Finally, I,  formerly known as Chinese and Malaysian but now known simply as a Penangite will answer WHAT DO CINA MAU with this : Cina mau sama-sama cari makan, dapat meluangkan masa dengan keluarga, dapat hidup harmoni dan jalan-jalan cari makan / makan angin.

Personally, I want UMNO to redeem the pride of the Malays by empowering them economically. I want UMNO to provide a psychological comfort and sense of security to its little children. I want UMNO to have a solid administration and governance of their strongholds.

And I want UMNO to know it’s time to let MCA and MIC go even if it means losing the cabinet and focusing instead on the progress and development of the rural Malays.

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