Who are you?

You know, a lot of people are so well-read that they have gone all over the internet for their “research” into homeschooling but have forgotten to conduct an even more crucial form of “research” – i.e. into themselves.

I was completely blind-sided by this fact because I had done the Inner Journey before I embarked on the Outer Journey and, in true Projection style, I simply assumed everyone had done this as well. I simply assumed people automatically know how to manage their time, resources, energy and manage their relationships with family and people around them, manage their expectations and life in general.

Having said that it doesn’t mean that I was “done” with my Inner Journey before I made the leap. A lot of things are still going to come up as we go along, as we discover things about ourselves and who we become when those things come up for us. The thing is to simply grow bigger than the problem and not let the problem overwhelm us.

The “How” to homeschool and “What curriculum” is really the least of our concerns. The questions on legality, college, jobs, socialization….all those are in the little league. What really matters is, “Who are you?”

I think this point really crystallized for me recently as a direct result of some of the coaching work I’ve been doing with adults. In particular I have had small business owners who have lost money “investing” in the wrong kinds of businesses and “wasted” hundreds if not thousands of dollars on promotional and advertising runs every year that simply do not get results or a return in their investment. I even have an overseas client who gave me his story of how every time he goes into a business he will end up with dead stock or not have enough money to “roll” into the next opportunity. He asks me “how” to spot a good business opportunity that won’t go bust.

As I worked with these adults I began to realize that a lot of people go into a lot of things merely focussing on the Tools they need without ever checking on the blueprint they’re carrying into the project. As my beloved guru Harv Eker would say, “Your Inner World creates your Outer World.”

If our Inner Game is tight we’d be able to hack anything that comes our way and create the results we want whether it’s in the future we want for our children, the dream work we do that puts no ceiling on our income, having free time to travel and chill and be there for family, attracting our Master Mind Group, etc. If our Inner Game is tight even when we don’t win the gold medal on the first race we’d eventually hit pay dirt because it’s just a matter of Ready, Fire, Aim!

I was writing some outlines for a program I’d like to share with the public, for solopreneurs in particular, which started out with advice on how to create advertising and promotional campaigns that work and why they’ve been doing things that don’t get customers in the door when I realized that the same mindset that got them asking, “How can I advertise with results?” is the same mindset that gets people asking about “How to homeschool with results?”

Around the same time I met another client who asked me, “What is a good business to get into?” and it dawned on me that in both cases clients were asking about “tools” and “ideas” to create great ads or create a great revenue stream from a business. It’s not unlike parents who ask, “What curriculum / method / syllabus / centre, etc should we follow?”

I often get asked, “How come some people can spot opportunities while the rest of us come in when the market’s about to get saturated?” It’s probably like how some parents look at successful homeschooling families and wonder how they did it and wonder what strategies they employed?

If you’ve ever read Blue Ocean Strategy back to back and realized you couldn’t find a strategy let me give you some answers here :

  • there is no strategy i.e. there is no Outer Game. There are no TOOLS. Formulas and strategies are left-brain concepts. Spotting ground-floor opportunities is a very Right-Brain thing. (p/s learning about how the Right Brain works is a Left-brain activity. If you HAVE TO learn it you will never be able to master it.)What BOS is really talking about is an Inner Strategy but most people reading business books are looking for concrete answers, looking for “How that guy did it”.

Anyway, it dawned on me that these parents who want to unschool /homeschool and have done all the research in the world (the equivalent of people who have read all the business books and attended thousands of dollars worth of seminars but still can’t get out of a job) are in the same boat as small business owners out there. They are focussing on things which are secondary (the how-to) while not being aware of the KIND OF PERSON THEY FIRST NEED TO BE to make business, unschooling, life in general – Effortless.

Here’s what I’ve noticed successful homeschooling families have in common :

  • they have individual lives that work. i.e. in spite of the occasional second-guessing they know who they are, what they want in life and are willing to be authentic about themselves and enjoy being self-directed learners.
  • they have marriages that work
  • they have family life that work. (They get along well with their siblings and have a generally co-operative family in spite of disagreements.)
  • they get along with their in-laws (or simply have the autonomy to draw a line for their in-laws)
  • they have financial lives that work (they may not be rich but they are not in debt nor worrying about the prospects of being unemployed)

Does this mean that schooling families don’t have these qualities? Not at all. Schooling families who have these qualities will do just as well homeschooling or do even better with homeschooling. I have met a few schooling families who have the above components in their life and while they have trouble with the schooling system they don’t have problems with it. They are usually able to afford private or international school and when they cannot the transition to hop on to homeschooling is seamless.

Let me elaborate on the above bold claims I have made.

Individual lives that work

Almost always we’re talking about the Moms here. These are self-assured women who are intelligent and will do just as well with or without the husband around – and their husbands know it and appreciate and value their wives for holding up half they sky – if not the whole roof! They don’t spend a majority of their lives gossiping, complaining or whining. Sure, they will lament about how hard the day/week has been but if you get to be around them you will feel their energy – that in general, they DO things rather than COMPLAIN, BLAME and justify themselves. They have personal interests they pursue and they have a strong idea of who they are. They do not become the “role” i..e conform to expectations of being a wife or mother. They bring who they are as individuals into their role and create their own rules about being Wife or Mother. When two people standing in their own power go into a marriage we will get a strong partnership.

As a single parent I am my own 1-person Individual Life that Works. I may not have the villa with the swimming pool and the new sports car every two years but overall I love my life. I have an almost surreal life and it is only from this place of bliss and peace that I find I can create more of what I want from my life. I can look at myself in the mirror and say, “I like your guts!”.

A marriage that works, a family life that works, relationships with siblings and in-laws that work – it all comes as an extension of having a life that works. If everywhere in your life you’re seeing brokenness – you hate your job, your health is failing, you’re depressed and suicidal, your colleagues are dismissive or malicious, your clients are awful, your bosses are assholes, you don’t have enough money before the end of the month, your children have behavioural problems, you’re fighting with your teen on a daily basis, your government sucks,  and life in general is just one big struggle – something’s not working!

On the other hand if everything else seems to work but gets undone because of schooling i.e. you have to rush to send them to school before you get to work, you have to force them to study / go for tuition / do homework / wake up for school, your happy child turns unhappy because of the social and academic pressures of school, etc) then obviously schooling isn’t working for you and your family.

I honestly think the equation is that simple.  What do you think?

The degree to which our life is not working, in whatever area,  is a reflection of the degree to which we are not addressing our issues. It almost always shows up as this need to be “right” or to simply not willing to be authentic or to overcome our own resistance.  For instance, I believe I am right in my belief that not following a workout program my PT designed with consistency and diligence I will still be able to have the workout body I desire!

Once our Inner Game works all those questions about “socialization, in-laws, curriculum, exam, jobs” they simply melt away because the “How” will simply come to us in plain sight. It’s only when our own vision is cluttered that we cannot attract and immerse in the things that will bring us the results we want.

My daughter is going through this phase of wondering when the world is going to end and how not doing enough about her life is making her feel depressed about herself. She’s going through this phase where she just wants to sleep and sleep and then wake up to a sense of timelessness.

Who am I to say this is “bad” for her? Haven’t all of us gone through periods where we wish we could just unplug and sleep and sleep and contemplate the meaning of life and what our purpose really is? I know very clearly that human beings are divine and beyond the age of 4 people change because of the choices they make not because of anything else. One day she is going to realize she can shape her life and she wants to learn how to get out of inertia and start contributing to the lives of others and create significance for her own life.

The only job I have, really, is to love myself enough so that I can understand Love and extend that to her. If I do my job well, by extension, I will let her know for sure that she is very well loved. And there is no motivating power that is greater in this world than to know that we are so loved by our parent/s and that love from our parents opens up to us the window of feeling Divine Love from God.

At the end of the day I don’t really need my daughter to get good grades or scholarships or to be an accomplished this or that. I just want her to know she is loved and I want her to be happy and to live sans resistance, as much as possible. I want her to be able to follow her bliss and understand the general laws of How the World Works – laws that, like gravity, will affect her life regardless of whether or not she believes in them. I also need her to know how to discern between illusion and Truth, to have an Education on the Significance of Life. And the path of least resistance for both me and for her is for me to Be that which I want her to have.


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